An inspection calls a Mc too far
by SAPPHIRESPARKLES
Summary: What happens when Mc Dreamy loses his dreamyness on a hospital inspection day? A game of operation, an OR fight and a session in therapy for the Grey's cast.
1. Chapter 1

Derek 'Mc Dreamy' Shepherd headed into Seattle Grace hospital that morning as he did every morning; with his over bleached teeth and scarily perfect hair. Only this morning something was different… he wasn't treated with his usual greetings, instead odd looks and shocked expressions. He walked self consciously over to Meredith, "Why's everyone staring at me?". She also gave him a grave expression, "It's… well it's your hair". He frowned which dramatically enhanced his wrinkles, "Oh, I've switched shampoos, gives it more bounce and shimmer doesn't it! I feel like I should be in a hair care commercial". She rolled her eyes, "Derek!… It's just not dreamy anymore!" she exclaimed. Derek looked as if she'd just been stabbed repeatedly or even worse all hair had fallen out. "Wha… what do you mean?" he stuttered. "Derek… it's fine, we'll talk about this after surgery… after all you couldn't be Mc Dreamy forever". He followed her, if he wasn't Mc Dreamy who was he? Without the hair he was… just a surgeon. "Oh my God I'm George" he muttered bitterly.

Meanwhile Christina, Izzie and George began their usual round of arguing over a prospective liver biopsy. "Oh come on, I'm obviously the most qualified!" Christina yelled. "What because you're dating a senior surgeon with issues?! Oh I bet he teaches you lots of things…" Izzie retaliated. "Maybe we should just all calm…". "Shut up George!" They both exclaimed. George immediately zipped it remembering you should never mess with female surgeons when a biopsy's on the line. After another hour of continual negotiating they were about to give up. "Hey Grey! Who do you think should do the biopsy out of us three… be honest" Izzie asked. Little Grey trembled slightly, "Um…well I wouldn't really to say. Oh but have you heard about Mc Dreamy's undreamy hair… it's shameful". Nice save little Grey. "Your useless" Christina muttered. "Oh I know we should play operation" George laughed, "whoever wins gets the surgery". Christina and Izzie looked seriously at each other. "Your on Stevens". "Get ready to fail Yang" . "Guys, I wasn't being serio…". "Shut up George!".

"You ok little Grey?" Mark asked as he snuck up behind her… one of his favourite past times. "God you scared me! I'm fine, Derek's not though… he's having an identity crisis… his hair". "I don't give a scalpel about Derek's Mc name" Mark smiled, "as long as I'm still your Mc Steamy". "Of course" she smiled. "Hey, I'm doing a liver biopsy this afternoon… you want in?". "Ooh yes!" she exclaimed. "Don't get to excited Grey, you'll just be guarding the tools" he said patronisingly. She rolled her eyes… "yes sir". "So identity crisis eh? Well, he is getting past it a bit".

"I understand all the doctors here are of the highest professional status". "Oh yes completely professional" Bailey replied. The key is to suck up to the inspectors… works every time. "SUCK IT STEVENS!". "What was…". "Oh let's not go into that wing um, the O.R might be more… interesting". What the hell are they doing now? Bailey thought to herself… God I dread to think. "Yes… so your surgeons are also highly trained and skilled?". "You forgot completely focused". Huh, Shepherd and Sloane wouldn't let her down.

"See I told you I got beat you both!". Christina jumped up and began to do a completely embarrassing dance in victory. "Shut up" Izzie muttered. "Oh yes, just because you couldn't quite get the water on the knee! You don't mess with the yang!". "Christina?". Christina quickly stopped doing a celebratory time warp and walked over to Owen. "You're deciding who gets surgery through operation… I thought you were better than this". Oh no… he had his disappointed face on. "So…". Ok… it kind of looks more angry now… "SO?! SO?! Your betting on a patient!" he yelled. "You're such a drama queen" she mused. He didn't respond. "Maybe we should get you a Mc name and you could relax a little, I mean you should be glad I put up with you!". "Oooh!" Izzie and George laughed. Christina shot them a disparaging look. "Put up with me?!". "Love to chat but I've got a surgery to get to".

The Mc duo scrubed in as did Little Grey with a sense of tension in the air. Mark and Derek weren't on fully talking terms yet. "Loving the hair Shepherd". Derek looked up angrily, "just hand me the scalpel". "It's easy to say that isn't it… when we're _aging_". "Oh can we just do the surgery… where's the resident you selected?". "Grey…". Little Grey stepped forward. "She's an intern!". Little Grey gulped nervously. "You're just prejudice!" Mark defended. "And your just dating her!" Derek retaliated. "I can … go". "NO!". "Oh yes she can!".

"Coming through!", Christina hastily pushed past Bailey and the inspector. "Yang where are you going?!". "Surgery… liver biopsy". "Grey's handling that" Bailey forced a smile for the inspectors benefit. "But I won it! I removed the broken heart", she explained as if this was completely normal. "What!?". "I won the surgery in a game of operation… the portable version". "Operation?" Bailey asked nervously trying to eye the inspectors expression. "The… portable version?" the inspector repeated. "Um lets go through to the O.R" Bailey said trying to hide her fuming anger. "Don't point that thing at me!" Mark yelled. "I can do as I please". Mark hit Derek's hand and the scalpel went flying into the air and hit the light above Little Grey. "SLOANE! SHEPHERD!" Bailey fumed. "LEXI!" Mark shouted as her knocked her out of the way. "Little Grey?" Christina asked, yet was ignored. "DEREK!". "Dr Bailey… I think we need a talk with these _professional_ doctors".


	2. Circle time

"Lexi… are you ok?" Mark asked hovering around Lexi nervously. "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?" Bailey screamed losing every once of control she'd managed to scrounge. "I was provoked" Derek explained. "We have some options here" the inspector mused. Bailey snapped back into focus, "Yes… of course… do we?". "I could give the hospital a bad review but… I sense we have an under lying issue here… I think we need some group bonding time. To rebuild the trust and control the anger we seem to have here". "Absolutely… Mark, take Lexi to the ER, everybody else follow the inspector. I'll just go and…". "Oh no Dr Bailey. You need to come too, I believe you have some _anger_ issues". Bailey shuffled uncomfortably, "ANGER ISSUES!" she exclaimed. "Obviously". Bailey took a deep breath, "Ok… let's go".

"Are you sure you're ok?" Mark fretted as he bandaged her bloody hand. "I'm fine… you shouldn't have provoked him", she flinched slightly as he tightened the bandage. "Provoked him? I was defending your honour!" he smiled. "I'm flattered… I don't see why _we_ should have to go to this therapy thing though". "Well you have to admit… you are kind of nervous… you jump when ever anyone says your name" he said seriously. Lexi's face suddenly turned cold, "nervous? Mark Sloane I can't believe you just called me nervous! You know that's the worst description for a surgeon! I'll see you in therapy…" she replied bitterly.

"Hey Lexi, why have we just got a page from Bailey instructing us to head to the psychiatric ward?" Meredith asked with Izzie and George following closely behind. "Derek's had a meltdown, Christina's never been right in the head and I've just faced a near death experience… so just wait and see ok". "Ok… what happened to your hand?!". "I told you!" she exclaimed. "Touchy" George whispered. "I heard that!" Lexi screamed. They walked into the group discussion room and prepared for the worst… "Welcome" the inspector said cheerfully. "Hi" they all responded unenthusiastically. "Right, lets get this started".

"Put the chairs into a circle!". Meredith held up her hands, "wait… is this a circle thing? Because I'm not doing this if this if a circle thing!" she protested. "GREY! Sit in the circle!" Bailey instructed in a way that only Bailey can. "Yes Maam". "Right I think we should all go round the circle and tell each other something that no one knows about you… to break the ice". Meredith rolled her eyes theatrically. "Ok Meredith… you can start!". She forced a smile, "Hi I'm Meredith and I've been know to lunge at people who make me do things like sit in a circle and share my feelings" she said coldly. Derek gave out a small chuckle. "Dr Shepherd… you next". "I'm Derek and I want to take this chance to apologise to Mark Sloane and tell him what a brilliant doctor he is". Mark rolled his eyes, "I don't do botox". Soon everyone in the circle had at least managed a grunt. "Well that was helpful…". "Can I just ask" Christina interrupted, "why do I have to be here?". "Dr Yang… you played operation to win a surgery". "Yeah… and I won" she replied sounding genuinely proud of her achievements. "Ok… I think we need to move on to our next activity. Pair up! I want you to tell the other person in your pair how you feel about them as doctors and people… including their faults". Suddenly Owen burst through the door… "So this is where all the doctors have gone… did it ever occur to you this is a hospital?" he asked bitterly. "Dr Hunt I sense tension… close the door and join the session, pair with Dr Yang".

"This is ridiculous" Lexi whispered as Mark paired with her. "Give it a chance… come on, how do you feel about me?" he grinned. "At this moment… I could slap you". "Not with that hand" he joked. "No… but with this one", she swung for him and he narrowly escaped. "Ok. I'll just say how I feel about you", he leaned forward and whispered something into her ear. She gulped, "That's not going to work Mark" she said desperately trying to hold her ground. "Fine. How about this", he tried again… this time more successfully. "I hate you" she smiled. "I love you too" he replied. She froze, "you what?"

"You threw a scalpel?" Meredith asked in amazement. "We're supposed to be talking about our feelings" Derek protested. "Derek… I was only joking you know, about your hair… I mean it's just going a little grey" she smiled. "I'm nothing without my hair!" he pleaded. "Oh God please let this not be your mid life crisis… at least make it a good one. We can buy hair dye!" she sighed. "Your fault… you aren't helping Meredith, you just aren't helping".

"You're a good trauma specialist" Christina said bitterly.

"You've got good instincts… for a resident" Owen replied without emotion. "You survived a war". "You survived Bailey". Christina resisted the urge to smile… he wasn't going to win. "You're too competitive" he said coldly. Competitive? She thought. "Well… you've got issues" she retorted. Owen didn't reply… a step too far Christina? I think so. Well at least they're actually doing the task.

"This is stupid I don't have anger issues… I don't even have a partner!" Bailey complained. "Now Dr Bailey one could say that you're forceful in your job" the inspector said. "And you appear to be quite forceful in yours… you've kidnapped half of this hospital" she protested. "Now I can tell your prone to exaggeration…". Bailey groaned loudly. "let's talk about it".

"You're a super doctor George, super! You're the best!" Izzie smiled… she was quite enjoying this. "Thank you Izzie. You're great too… you strive to be good and are always so positive" George commented. "I can't find _any_ faults. None!" She said enthusiastically. "Me either!". "God I love this! It's really cheering me up!" Izzie laughed. "Me too!". They soon realised everyone wasn't enjoying this as much as they obviously were. "George … are we freaky?". "No… everyone else is just…" he couldn't quite find the right description. "everyone else?" Izzie suggested. "Yep. Anyway… you have great intern control!". "Oh my God you too!".


	3. Conga lines and conundrums

"Now didn't that help? Our next activity is a little more personal… we need to focus on what's brought us here". The inspector glared at Derek, "Dr Shepherd… would you care to explain". Derek looked up, "no" he replied simply. "He's letting his mid life crisis affect his work… he tried to kill my girlfriend today!" Mark offered. "What is the crisis Dr Shepherd?". Derek took in a deep breath, "my hair's losing it's eternal shimmer". The group tried to contain their laughter apart from Mark that is, "God can we just give you a new nick name? Like… Mc mid life… Mc wrinkly?" he chuckled. Owen also began to snigger, "Mc maniac?". "Mc murderer" Lexi muttered, she was currently sitting as far away from Mark as possible. "Hey you're alive, aren't you!?" Derek protested. "Mc can we get back to work?!" Bailey exclaimed impatiently, "I've got patients you know". "I'm sure the interns can handle that".

"_He's got a sore throat. That means surgery doesn't it?" "No… but maybe if we don't treat it… we could get him in there!"._

"Actually… I think we can manage a quick _lunch_ break. But I want you back here in half an hour! Or else". They filed out in a rather disgruntled fashion all the while muttering things under their breath. "Did you see where Lexi went?" Mark asked Meredith urgently. She shook her head in response. "I'm not going back in there Dr Bailey, I mean it…" Owen said threateningly. "Oh you will. This hospital needs this review! That means you and everyone else needs to be back in there on time! Do you understand me?" She said loudly. "Yes Dr Bailey". "Thank you". "Of course Dr Bailey… anything Dr Bailey… you need a liver? Fine take mine Dr Bailey" he muttered under his breath. "Wow you really do need this" Christina chuckled. Owen gave her an unappreciative glare. "Oh sorry Dr Hunt, have my spleen Dr Hunt" she giggled.

"Can we please just leave" Derek pleaded. "No" Meredith replied seriously. "Come on… why don't we make her watch House. It would make us seem far less dysfunctional!". "NO! You got us here you deal with it!". "Fine… hey, is that Lexi? Is she pacing?" Derek asked. "It can't be Lexi doesn't pace. Well… she doesn't pace often" Meredith said seriously. "I better go and see what's up". "And leave me in my time of need?!". Meredith rolled her eyes, could he get any more immature? "I'll be back soon… cry to Bailey". Meredith cautiously walked towards a ever more frantically pacing Lexi. "Hey are you ok?". "Um yes… well no, but I'm fine so yes… I suppose" she said nervously. "What's wrong?" she asked as sympathetically as possible… which wasn't much. "I think I broke Mark". "Again?" she asked shocked. "NO! I mean I think I broke his spirit… he said he… Well it doesn't matter what he said it's the point of it all!" she mused. "Ok then… I'll just see you after lunch" she replied uncertainly… God was everyone's mind starting to decay around here?

"Help me think of some suggestions for after lunch George… I was thinking a limbo to loosen us up!" Izzie chirped. "Ooh yeah and we could play twister" George added. "Great idea we could do pin the scalpel on the correct surgical organ". "Oh my God I haven't played that in so long!" George exclaimed. "Me either! Ok I'll get the limbo stick and the scalpel you get twister and the anatomy poster!" Izzie instructed cheerfully. "This is going to be so much fun!". "Super fun!".

Bailey sat and picked at her burger, why should she have to play the mental patient just to get a good review? The chief should be doing this! Oh God… the chief! Did he know about this? The doctors in this hospital are perfectly fine, they shouldn't have to be put through this! "Da da da da da DA!" Izzie and George sung as they congaed their way back to the psychiatric ward… now that's the way to go.


	4. Twister and Talks

"Ok since Dr Stevens has suggested twister as a bonding activity I'm inclined to agree. But after twister we need to get down to the matter's at hand. Are we agreed?". The group nodded and Christina hurried to take her position. "Lexi, we need to talk" Mark whispered. "Not now I'm playing twister!" she said shiftily. "I am NOT letting you play twister with Christina… you'll get hurt". "Fine… you play, I'll watch" se suggested. "Fine but only if Derek plays". "No way" Derek scoffed. "Afraid you'll break a hip?". There was a long and awkward silence, "I'm in". "Me too" exclaimed Bailey… ok, that was creepy. "I'm taking you guys down!!" Christina exclaimed. "Good Lord" Owen muttered. "Ok. Christina right hand on green" Izzie instructed.

After half an hour of toil and screaming there was only Derek and Mark left standing. "Wow it's a Mc showdown" Izzie gawped. "It should have been me Christina muttered as Owen reluctantly comforted her. "It's not my fault I've got short limbs" Bailey murmured. "Bring it on Mc mouldy" Mark grinned as he looked up from his entangled position. "Shut it Sloane". "Derek right foot on red". Derek stretched and stretched but couldn't reach the red and quickly tumbled to the ground. "Ha victorious!" Mark exclaimed as he looked round for Lexi who'd taken to hiding behind George. "I nearly got it though!" Derek protested . "Ha losing his hair, losing his flexibility! Look out Meredith you never know what skills he'll lose next!". "Mark stop gloating" mumbled. "Conga time!" Izzie and George exclaimed in unison, exposing a quivering Lexi. "Come and join the conga!" they sang as Mark happily joined them.

"ENOUGH! We're straying from the point!" Bailey exclaimed. "Can we just get on with this?". "Ok… it's come to my attention that there is a lot of… lets just say communication between the ranks" the inspector mused. "Communication?" Meredith repeated. "Well we obviously need to communicate we can hardly do a surgery in silence" Owen scoffed. "Well sometimes I think you'd prefer it that way" Christina murmured. Owen rolled his eyes. "Hmm, maybe I should just be blunt". "That would be best especially for Dr Shepherd over here, his hearings going", Mark smiled across the circle at Lexi who ignored him. "At least most of my hair's still black and luscious!". "Luscious?". "Hmm!" the inspector coughed. "Hey that's my thing!" Mark interrupted. "Excuse me?". "Oh, he's right… it's his thing" Lexi said quietly. "Why thank you little Grey". "Fine but I wasn't talking about communication as such. More about the… relationship dynamics, that appear to be going on here. I think it's clouding your judgement". "What are you saying?" Bailey suspiciously. "Do I really have to spell it out?". The group nodded. "All relationships between different ranks must end now".

There was a long lingering silence. "Ok… lets play insert the scalpel!" Izzie said cheerfully. "No…" Derek said. "You could sound a little more enthusiastic!" Meredith exclaimed. "Don't blame him Meredith he doesn't have the energy to used to" he said with a hint of depression in his voice… at least the inspection broke them up with him before Lexi had a chance to. "Owen… don't you want to say something?" Christina urged. "Nope… nothing springs to mind". You could see the anger building up in Christina's face. "But if there's no dating between ranks we'll all have to date George!" Meredith shuddered. "Suck it up! I agree it takes priority over your work as doctors so get up and say your goodbyes!" Bailey instructed. "NO!". "What was that Dr Grey?" Bailey asked as she turned to Lexi, standing tall with authority. "I said NO!" she screamed as Meredith looked on in horror and Izzie and George looked on at Meredith's expression (they'd never seen her face contort before). "Why are you disobeying me Grey?!". "Because…" she looked at Mark. "Because I love him!". Mark pushed Bailey out of the way and hugged Lexi. "I love you too little Grey".

The group looked on in horror and disbelief. "How can you love a guy who calls you 'little Grey'?" Christina murmured. "Did he just say he… loved her?" Derek asked Meredith, he looked as if was about to faint. "Erm… possibly. No he couldn't have… we really have entered a parallel universe ". "Why didn't you come and profess your love to me?" Christina asked coldly, an overly confused expression on her face. "Hmm, lets think. Could it be because you would have slapped me" Owen replied. "True" Christina muttered. "What about my scalpel game?!" Izzie pleaded. "Izzie… I think they're kind of having 'a moment'" George whispered. "Oh… ok. Limbo?". "Limbo George nodded". They quickly set up the limbo pole in midst of the chaos. "How low can you go?".

"Dr Bailey can't you stop this?". "Sloane never loves anybody… I mean it, the nurses one formed a Dr Sloane must die club". "I meant the limbo but the nurses eh? Well I can do their session tomorrow… but this is just ridiculous". "STEVENS! Stop limboing!" Bailey ordered. "May I ask how much longer this session will last? I've got a few more activities yet… Oh I'll need some posits". "So you're speaking to my now are you?" Mark laughed. "Mmm hmm. I'm sorry. It's just I thought I well… I". "No need to explain". "Si wait I haven't broke your spirit?". "No… not yet anyway. If anything breaks me it will be this damn therapy session! I've just heard something about posit notes " Mark smiled. "God have mercy" she laughed.


	5. Postit paradise

"Ok… I've put each persons name on a post it note. Each note will be stuck on another persons forehead and the group will answer questions about the person in question. This should give you an insight into your personality… hopefully". The inspector placed the notes on each persons forehead. "Right Dr Stevens you can start and we'll rotate round the circle". Izzie squeaked with glee, "Ok am I male or female?". "Male… supposedly" Meredith murmured. Izzie gave her a confused glance, "So I'm male than?". "God Izzie! Yes you're male!" Derek exclaimed. "Now now, Dr Shepherd. You play nicely or you don't play at all". "Hmm… am I a resident?". George shook his head. "Um ok… am I ginger?". Mark sniggered, "you wish". "Oh I'm Derek!" Izzie squeaked. Derek rolled his eyes and sighed. "Well done Dr Stevens, Christina you next". Christina's face crinkled. "You're the prettiest girl at Seattle Grace" Mark smiled cheesy smile. "I think I'm gonna throw up" Meredith murmured.

Soon the postit game had reached it's full potential… "That's out of line!" Owen shouted. "God your too sensitive!" Meredith retorted. "Why am I never included anymore?" Derek whimpered. "Because you're pathetically paranoid" Christina muttered. "Why couldn't we just do what I suggested?" Izzie asked. "Because no one wants to do the conga!" Bailey replied. "Dr Bailey can you please calm them down?". "You brought them here YOU calm them down!". "People please! This is completely unprofessional… we'll forget the posits… take another break. Give me back the postits! I've got a better idea…".

The postit notes had been placed precariously around the hospital in order for anonymous staff to leave their opinions… two words… BAD IDEA! "I don't care what they write as long as I've got you" Mark smiled lovingly at Lexi. "Do you have _any_ idea how ridiculously nauseating you two are" Christina muttered. "Don't hate it just because you want it". "I can't wait to see what they've written about me" Izzie squeaked. "I'm sure it will be super!" George replied positively. "Ok here we go… Dr Stevens, happy… maybe to happy? "Dr Hunt… oh, the only thing written on here is 'complex'". Christina giggled, "Dr Yang…over controlling, over bearing psycho? ". The smile istantly wiped of Christina's face. "Dr O Malley… oh… short". George cringed. "Who's next… oh Dr Grey Senior… depressed". Meredith rolled her eyes. "Dr Bailey… tough but gentle". "Just like persil" Izzie chimed. Bailey gave her that '_you better shut your mouth before I slap you look_'. "Dr Shepherd… skilled, professional, charming… losing his dreamy factor". Derek whimpered, "how manly…" Mark sniggered "Hmm, Dr Grey junior… nervous but skilled". Mark put his arm round Lexis shoulder to comfort her. "Dr Sloane… oh… um never mind". Derek snatched the postit and a large smile suddenly appeared on his face. "Dr Sloane… ' what can I say… your indescribable'". Mark smiled at Lexi. "Mark… I didn't write that". Derek's smile grew larger, "love… Mc Foxy". Lexi jumped up in anger, "MC FOXY!?".


End file.
